


Father

by Donya



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor 2 - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Gen, Identity Issues, Loki Feels, Thor 2 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-03 22:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki feels manipulated by Odin and it confuses him. </p><p>'Thor 2' scenes with Loki, Odin and Frigga</p>
            </blockquote>





	Father

**Author's Note:**

> 'Father.'  
> 'Yes, son?'  
> 'I want to kill you.'
> 
> ('The End', The Doors)

Loki would never admit that he feared coming back to Asgard, although it seemed to be the safest place to hide from the Other and his vengeance. Loki was most reluctant to face Odin, after such a long time, it felt like years had passed since they last talked, _I_ _could have done it Father._ So many things changed, yet deep inside Loki was still a little boy craving his father's affection and now he was as nervous as he used to be when Odin was about to punish him for his tricks. Ridiculous, Loki told himself, he was wiser than that, there was no real bond between them, no reason to be anxious, Loki was not a traitor, he had never belonged to Asgard in the first place.

However, brought before the king, in shackles and chains, Loki immediately started behaving like an insolent child, not only to hide his anxiety but also because it had happened so many times before, he remembered the same stern look on Odin's face, his firm voice. Suddenly it did not matter that Loki was a grown man, not tied by family ties, not burdened with responsibilities towards those who betrayed him first. Suddenly he was again the son of Odin. 

Loki provoked Odin, just as he used to ages ago, never easily accepting punishment. Why was he forced to respect Thor, what was wrong in using magic to show others how weak they were compared to Loki? And now, what was wrong in trying to take over Midgard? Loki couldn't have it only because Thor claimed to protect it. Feeling more and more infantile, Loki played the game Odin started a thousand years earlier. He hated tears welling up in his eyes, so Thor was going to be the king of Asgard. Unlike Loki, he deserved it. It hurt, despite the fact that Loki hated that realm, the truth was he wanted to rule it, even though he had no right to the throne.

Freed from Odin's glare, Loki found himself in the prison cell, locked away, forgotten. There he had the time to think about what had happened in the throne chamber. He made a fool of himself, accepting the role Odin once gave him. Odin's son. Years, years of lies and forcing Loki into obedience, so he would never defy the Allfather. Perhaps Loki was such a troublesome child because that was in his nature, in his true nature. Maybe it was impossible for a Jotun to bend his neck before an Aesir. 

Far from Odin, Loki composed himself, he was again strong and collected until Frigga paid him a visit. Loki immediately became the ungrateful child, in a split of a second. He refused to admit his fault and lost the rest of his composure when Frigga called Odin his father. 

'He's not my father!' Loki shouted, helplessly angry because that was it, that was the moment he realised how deeply Odin's lies scarred him. Taken away from Jotunheim, rejected by Asgardians, he did not belong anywhere. And yet somehow he was Odin's son, although the younger one, less important, nevertheless he was the son of Odin. Manipulated, deceived, used but still, Odinson. Every contact with his _family_ made him behave like that, there was no stopping it. Regardless of the burning hatred of his _father_ , Loki knew his life was shaped by Odin, he influenced Loki and changed him. How could Loki discover his true identity if he was so corrupted by Odin, where did the false, Aesir Loki end and the real, Jotun one begin? Loki could not even tell if he wanted to embrace his being a Jotun, he could not think clearly, he was too close to Odin.

The longer he dwelled upon this, the less he knew. Odin designed his life, was Loki even able of making one independent decision? How much Odin controlled him? Loki was not sure he wanted to know the answers. 

It did not take long for him to find a solution. He needed to shed off his old skin, like a lizard, separate himself from Asgard, that was the only way of finding his true self. There was only one way of achieving this. He had to kill Odin, kill the old Loki, kill his father. He had already slain Laufey, perhaps that was his destiny- to take lives of the his relatives. Killing both of his fathers, it would stop the never-ending anxiety, he would be free of the destructive influence they had over him. He needed to burn the bridges, destroy himself- to find the real Loki. Odin represented the Aesir Loki, the lie. Killing him would put an end to that lie and set Loki free.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 70th birthday, dearest Jim Morrison, my eternal inspiration. 'We live, we die and death not ends it.'


End file.
